Don't Be A Punk, Be Punctual

This is a guide for people who can't turn up to places or events on time when they have agreed to. There are few things I hate as passionately as people who are late, so here is an explanation why exactly you have to be on time to things and a few tips on how you can achieve this while avoiding common mistakes. Although this will mainly apply to occasions when you are only meeting one or two people (the more people there are, the less that you (the late person) matter to the overall situation), it can also apply to parties or large gatherings.

What is 'on time'?

Firstly, we must establish what you agree to when you say, for example, "I'll be there at 1pm". What you are saying is that you will be at a particular place, on a particular day, at a particular time. Now, being on time does not mean being there at exactly 13.00 as social norms allow a bit of leeway either side, or what I will call the 'on time zone'. The on time zone is generally accepted to be approximately 5 minutes either side of the agreed time (some say 10 minutes either side, but then these are the people that would never use the early 10 minutes allowed so they can be ignored). Being on time means being at location X between 12.55 and 13.05 as it allows for things such as different walking speeds, stubborn crossings and general minor unforeseen circumstances.
Also, for the purposes of this blog post, I will continue using 1pm as the agreed meeting time, but will also use W for 'the one who is waiting' and L (or sometimes "You" as it is advice directed at you, the reader) for 'late person' for any examples. I will also assume that L has not given W any prior warning, which will be discussed further later on.

Why must I be on time?

• If you are late, what you are saying to any W is "my time is more important than yours." If W has arrived within the on time zone parameters, what L is doing is making W stand alone... waiting... and waiting... If it's outside, it may be cold, raining. Regardless, it will be boring and waste of W's time.
• L is saying that he is a lazy, inconsiderate arse who clearly doesn't own a watch or indeed have any sense of timing or tact.
• Every minute that L is late, W is considering moving on with his life without him. If L can't even be bothered to be on time, why should W continue waiting for him? This may lead to W leaving the meeting place, and most likely he will not inform L of this as punishment.
• Every minute that L is late, W is planning intricate and intimate ways of killing L.
• W may feel like he is wasting L's time. i.e. "If L isn't here yet he must be doing something more important than meeting me. Maybe L is putting off meeting me. If he's doing something important should we even be meeting up?" etc.
• It's just really rude.

What if I really can't be on time?

If there is a good reason why you will be late, then giving a prior warning is acceptable and will most likely save you from any of the issues in the previous section unless your excuse is particularly dire ("I slept in" is not good enough). The key thing here is when to inform the possible W of your lateness?
Work backwards from W's point of view. When will be the opportune moment to inform W of your lateness without causing him great inconvenience and bother. The sooner is obviously the better.
Unfortunately, most late-causing-events occur soon in the run up to the meet itself, however an informing text is still better than none and will cause W less grievance if he knows why you will be late, possibly letting W plan your lateness into his own journey to the meeting place (by walking/driving slower, taking some detours etc.).
One of the worst things to do if you're informing W of your lateness is to inform him when you're already late. This will most likely cause a great deal of annoyance and a frosty reception on L's eventual arrival, depending on exactly how late he was and what reason he had.
Even worse than this, however, is telling W during or after the allotted meeting time that you not going to meet him at all anymore. This will cause a seething rage and W will never trust you again for anything whatsoever. L has let W find his way to the meeting place, which may have taken some time, and has now cancelled on him. Making the journey to the meeting place, and the walk back home (or to whatever subsequent destination) pointless and a complete waste of W's time. This L is the worst kind of L to exist.

So, how can I be on time?

This is quite simple really. You own a time-keeping device, either a phone, watch, iPod. USE IT YOU INNUMERATE SOD. How long will it take you to get to the agreed upon location? Say, 20 minutes. How long will it take you to get ready from your exact current position? Say 5 minutes. You've agreed to meet at 1pm, so that means at 12.30 it is time to get ready and leave whatever you're doing. But it goes further back than this. It means being awake and clothed by 12.30. It means not starting an episode of a 44min TV show at 12pm. It means not, at 12.25, thinking "one more game/chapter etc. and then I'll leave". If you have a bag to be packed, how long will it take you? All of these things are time to be taken out of L's life, NOT W's who has to do the exact same things as you but somehow manages to do it on time.

Possible other factors

If, instead of a specific meeting time, W and L have agreed on a time range to meet within.
For example, they have agreed to meet between 12.30 and 12.45. What you do here is aim for the intermediate, in this case about 12.37, as this way you have about a 7 minute 'on time zone' which is rather generous. A common mistake here is for one to think that they get an on time zone bonus as well as the agreed range, meaning the accepted time where not sending a late-text would be extended by more than double than if it were a single time agreed upon. So L might think that he gets an extra 5 minutes either side of 12.30 and 12.45. If both thought this way then it could lead to a possible waiting time for W of 25 minutes with no obligation on L to inform W of his arrival time in advance. This is quite simply unacceptable and L would be shot on arrival.

If you are going to be late because of someone else.
Here, L may be late because he is leaving his house with a third party, T, to meet W together. In this example, T hasn't planned appropriately and is delaying both himself and L, which then leads to the obligation for L to beat T with various blunt objects until he is ready to leave. Whilst doing this, L must inform W of T's inadequacy and idiocy and relay a probable revised meeting time. In addition, L informing W of his violence towards T may make W feel better and will most likely make W consider L blameless for the lateness, transferring W's feelings of hatred to T. In fact, if L is going to be late then blaming anyone and anything is his best bet of surviving W's wrath.

If you have a real excuse.
I hate to inform you but there aren't many. A close friend, relative or L himself dying or being seriously injured may be accepted, but this must be communicated to W as soon as possible, unless L is actually involved with the dying or injury. L's house being on fire or getting arrested may be accepted, although if either of these are L's fault then there will be no sympathy and , if arrested, L should use his one phone-call to apologise to W and hope he understands.

Conclusion

DON'T BE LATE WHEN YOU YOURSELF HAVE AGREED TO BEING AT A PARTICULAR PLACE AT A PARTICULAR TIME
I have few regularly punctual friends, but I think so much higher of those that are, and so much lower of those that aren't. To those that know me, I'm NEVER late to anything unless it's someone else's fault. Learn by my example.
I think I'll finish on two quotes:

"If time's so precious why're you wasting mine?"
Weird Al Yankovic, Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me

"Turning up late to something is actually worse than turning up and proceeding to vomit all over their shoes"
Jeremy Clarkson, paraphrased from memory from a column years ago